Tuesday, November 25, 2008

*tick-tock, tick-tock*

You've just brushed a thick layer of dust from the surface of your father's old army locker-box and cracked apart the old lock that's kept it's latch in place for what could have been decades.
You would never have hazarded such an investigation if he were still breathing in the causal substance of the universe, but...
After riffling through old maps and documents which, though intellectually stimulating, offer no immediate satisfaction you continue to pick through the private artifacts preserved in Dad's old crate.
A fine pair of dueling pistols, a compass degraded by time & etc., an alligator skin flask from (?); what really catches your eye appears to be a fist-sized jewelry box fitted in honey-colored velvet. It looks very-fine and your heart pumps a bit faster as your fingers grasp it and bring it up from the old wooden trunk.
The box seems to give off it's own warmth and when you pry it open the fragrance of jasmine and hashish gently embrace your senses. Not that you know the odour of hashish....
Inside, in much more cunningly worked golden velvet, you are taken aback by the sight of what appears to be a jewel-bedecked locket, or an old pocket-watch, or you don't know. Just pry it open!
Of course you do, Sucker(!), and of course it's not an old locket or pocket watch; it is two halves of a semi-flattened egg with hinges between and no purpose other than to exhale a slow coalescence of emerald-colored smoke.
It makes sense, finally, when said 'smoke' condenses into the shape of a djinn of about the height of your outstretched hand.
Bobbing imperiously on a pillow of emerald, it's lips move and a powerful voice booms from it's diminutiveness beseeching you to ask of it a question, only one question, which it will answer with absolute truth under the condition that you ask before the second-hand of the clock makes a full revolution and sends the little scamp back to it's intermittent 50yr slumber.
Well? Think quickly!
*To get all theological and question the existence of God, turn to pg. 50.
*To seek great fortune turn to pg. 496.
*If you are after great power turn to pg. 807.
*Seeking the love of your life? Turn to pg. 2,035.
*Concerned about the future? Try pg. 1002.
*Obsessed with the past? See pg. 2,642.
*Frightened for your sanity? I recommend pg. 299.
*Is the pursuit of knowledge your obsession? pg. 2,400.
*Do you like candy? See pg. 20.