season of discontent

my little brother just went through his first break-up. i guess i caused it because i called his sweety a bitch while she was being a bitch.
my other siblings are a tight-knit clan of militarized, miserable, judgmental punks.
my wee bro and sis live north and south of me but they are too afraid or hateful of me to even give me a call when they get into their little holiday festivitys.
our father died recently.
we helped clean up the blood.
for some reason, i'm kept out of all decisions familial.
what are these people avoiding?
i would just giggle my ass off to hear them bawl as they rub their sad memories against me. wah wah wah. 'i'm the brother that you wish you'd never had,' is the message that i seem to be sending out. and the smell of their misery emanates from me now.
when dad died we had him cremated, as per request, and my older brother (the mormarine"semper fi! testify!) had the bright notion to have his ashes loaded into different calibre shell-casings. magazines. bullets.
fitting. no pun intended.
dad was a gun-nut.
now my scattered, shit-head siblings are more distant from me than ever.
i wonder if i will ever palm one of those bullets.
i wonder if any of those non-bastards will ever contact me ever again.
have i become douche?