Shite Web-Connection

I hate those times (all-too-frequent...) that I order this fawkin' machine to perform a task on the web and it sits here with it's guts whizzing and grumbling and after long, excruciating minutes down at the bottom of the screen, it says "done," and I'm still staring at a blank data-window.
It's like asking a spectator at the Special Olympics to help you tie your shoes cuz yer thumbs are broken, or whatever, and before you know it they've impossibly knotted the laces of both yer shoes together and they're like, "All done!," grinning up at you like Santa Claus(!) just gave 'em the best hand-job ever.
I'd like these modern amenities a lot more if they functioned as advertised. Meanwhile, I'm just waiting for the right attorney to come along and say, "Hey, Gale-Force Nothing. I'm a big fan. How ya doin'? I read your 'shite web connection' bit and I think we've got a great case here. We're talking serious mullah m'man, whaddya say?"
*sigh*